AkatSaku
by MaxxRide
Summary: Sakura is undercover as an Akatsuki member. Plans change. AkatsukileaderXSakura, DeiSaku, HidanSaku, ItaSaku, KakuzuSaku, KisameSaku, TobiSaku, ZetsuSaku, and SasoriXSakura. M for lang
1. Knock, Knock

"I don't believe it." Tsunade said in bewilderment. "How did you find this?"

"During our search for the Uchiha we came upon one of Orochimaru's previous lairs. We thought we should bring it back to you." Captain of the ANBU informed her.

There before Tsunade lied Orochimaru's original body. And in Tsunade's hand was the ring that they found on the little finger of Orochimaru's original body. It was an Akatsuki ring; on it was the kanji 'Kūchin' which meant 'The Void'.

Tsunade smiled. "This presents a unique opportunity."

------

Sakura sat by the window in her apartment reminiscing about her childhood. She remembered Sasuke, the boy who left her for power. The stupid fool. It had been six years since he had left. By now Orochimaru was probably waltzing about in Sasuke's body.

The only reason that the ANBU continues to search for him was so that Orochimaru won't get his hands on the Sharingan. They didn't care about Sasuke, nobody cared anymore not even all of his previous fangirls. Naruto and Sakura were the only ones who wanted Sasuke back, the old Sasuke.

The Sasuke she knew back when she was a kid. But deep down she knew that that Sasuke was gone. She was nineteen now, she had changed too but not in a bad way like Sasuke. She had trained with Tsunade-shishou and now was incredibly strong. She was also a very beautiful woman, she had grown up a lot. Her body had matured and over the years her hair had lightened to a soft pastel pink. She had it grown down to her waist but always had it up in a high ponytail.

Just then there was a knock at the door of Sakura's apartment.

Sakura opened the door to find an ANBU member standing in front of the door to her apartment.

"Haruno-sama. The Hokage needs to see you." He reported flatly.

Sakura nodded and he left in a puff of smoke.

(When Sakura got to Tsunade's office)

"Tsunade-shishou, you wished to see me?"

"Ah, my apprentice good to see you. I have a very rare and important mission for you." Tsunade told her.

"What is it?" Sakura asked confused.

Tsunade showed her the Akatsuki ring and Sakura eyes widened in surprise.

"We have done a lot of research on Akatsuki and from what we've learned, this ring plays an important role in becoming a member. We found it on Orochimaru's original body." Tsunade explained.

Sakura didn't like where this was going…

"So we want you to infiltrate Akatsuki. You will become a member when you can locate their lair and show up wearing this ring. And if they say the ring isn't enough then just give them a sample of your powers. We want you to gather information on them. Akatsuki is a threat to the village and we want to take them down." Tsunade finished explaining and gave Sakura the ring.

"Wear it on your little finger. I'm not sure if that is of any importance but that was where Orochimaru was wearing it." Tsunade said.

Sakura nodded and put it on. But on the inside she was thinking, _Eew, I have to wear this ring that was on Orochimaru's dead body! That is sickening._

"So Sakura, do you understand your mission? Locate and infiltrate Akatsuki and relay any information you get back to us." Tsunade finished.

Sakura nodded.

Sakura took out a kunai and took off her headband. She made a big gash over the leaf village symbol. It was the sign that you were a missing nin. "I understand." She said holding up the headband with a serious expression on her face.

------

After Sakura left the village she began to try and track down Akatsuki. And she heard reports of an assassination by two members of Akatsuki in the Cloud Village.

She arrived just in time to see the two Akatsuki members assassinate another victim.

She threw a tracer on the stupid looking one. He didn't seem to notice anything. Then she left before they spotted her.

After a day Sakura followed the tracer's signal to what seemed to be the Akatsuki's lair.

Surprisingly she didn't see the big pink 'Welcome!' sign she was expecting. How disappointing.

But she did see that the entrance was sealed with a gigantic boulder. But that was no problem for her.

She just smashed it open with her super strength enhanced fist.

Then once the boulder finished crumbling. She laid eyes upon all the shocked, surprised faces of the Akatsuki.

"Knock, knock." She said dryly.

Then she raised her hand above her chest to show them the Akatsuki ring that laid on the little finger of her right hand. And they probably also saw the missing nin headband that was tied around her forehead.

She used a skill that she had learned from Sasuke many years ago. She smirked, as mockingly and evilly as she could.

"HOLY SHIT!" Hidan shouted.

**A/N: Please don't ask me why I'm writing this. Because I really don't know why. I just thought it would be funny to write a fanfic pairing Sakura up with every single member of Akatsuki. I think I even created some new pairings never before seen. Like HidanSaku. So, good introduction? Please give me your feedback on this story! Cause right now I'm not sure if I even want to continue this story. If you want me to continue then-**

**Please Review!**


	2. AL!

"What the hell?" Deidara said as the ball of clay he was holding in his hands exploded.

That's when the Akatsuki Leader appearing seemingly out of nowhere but no one could really see his features, he was just a silhouette.

"Where did you get that, girl?" He growled as he approached the intruder.

"I got it at a souvenir shop!" Sakura answered with a freakishly fake happy voice. Then she waited for all the Akatsuki members to sweatdrop before she rolled her eyes and said, "Where you do think I got it?"

"From Orochimaru?"

"More like off his dead body." Sakura answered.

"Why are you here?"

"Why do you think? I came here to become a member of Akatsuki and I heard that this ring is basically the thing that makes you a member." She said shoving her hand that held the ring into his face just to piss the guy off.

"You are sadly mistaken. We need to see an example of your skills, so we know you are worthy." He said probably thinking in his head what kind of test he would do.

"Oh! So you want another hole in your wall! I don't think your landlord would be too happy about that." Sakura said still doing everything she could to make him mad.

He sighed and said, "Fine, you will join the Akatsuki, for now anyway. But if we ever get a reason to think you are weak, then you're gone, got it?"

She fake smiled and did her best to look innocent before she put her hand to her head in a salute and said, "You got it Baa-sama!"

By now since all the other Akatsuki members were listening to the conversation they were all chuckling, most trying to hide it but Hidan was full out cackling.

You all should know even if you don't read the time skip manga that the leader of Akatsuki wouldn't be made fun and just stand there and take it.

So he began to walk away but once Sakura dropped her guard he spun around and shot a kunai right at her head. It was a perfect hit but when Sakura burst into a puff of smoke it was obvious that it was a clone.

Akatsuki's Leader jerked his head to the ceiling to see the newest Akatsuki member sticking to the ceiling using charka in her feet.

"Don't underestimate me." Sakura growled as she gave Akatsuki's Leader a death glare that would make a puppy die of terror.

Sakura watched as all the Akatsuki's eyes enlarged freakishly. Because she had been acting so silly it was odd to see her serious.

Akatsuki's Leader disappeared, his silhouette faded.

Sakura hopped down off of the ceiling and landed with the grace that only kunochi possess.

Then she clapped her hands together with an annoying smile on her face and said, "So, which cave is my room?"

Deidara appeared silently beside her. She didn't sense his presence at all so it made her jump, on the inside of course, she didn't was to seem weak.

"I'll take to you to Orochimaru's old room, yeah." He said.

"Oh, cool!" Sakura said excitedly. "I'm not the only girl in Akatsuki!"

Deidara's eye twitched and everyone started chuckling and Hidan was laughing the loudest. "I'm a guy." Deidara said angrily wanting really badly to hurt everyone in his line of sight at that moment.

"Oops, my bad." Sakura said looking up at him with an apologetic smile but she was biting her bottom lip to make sure she didn't laugh.

Deidara threw a bird made of clay at Hidan and made it explode in his face.

Sakura's eyebrows rose. She thought that a blast like that would've killed Hidan.

"Ouch. Man that stung." Hidan said waving away the smoke from the explosion with his hand.

Sakura was shocked. These Akatsuki really were weird people.

"This way, yeah." Deidara said as he led Sakura away from everyone to her room. When they got there Sakura saw it was a simple little cave, with a plain bed, small dresser, a coat rack with an odd hat and an Akatsuki cloak hanging on it, and it branched off to a bathroom, which was also very simple. Well, what do you expect of cave? Pink lace curtains?

Sakura walked over to the bed, wearing Orochimaru's ring was one thing, but having to sleep on his old bed was a whole different thing and as if he was reading her mind Deidara said-

"Those are a whole new sheets, mattress, and cloak from when Orochimaru was here so you don't have to worry, yep."

"How come they're all new?" Sakura asked, curious.

"Well there was this time when Itachi set Orochimaru's bed on fire- well you really don't want to know." Deidara said his face visibly paling recalling the memory.

"Yeah, I really don't." She said shaking her head. "Well. Now that that's over can I meet the group?"

Deidara said, "Yep." Before disappearing again, probably getting everyone together.

So by the time Sakura made it back from her room on her own all the Akatsuki members minus the leader were sitting in a circle waiting for Sakura.

"Yay! This is great!" Sakura said as she sat down. "Next we can paint our nails and share our feelings!" still annoying and teasing all of them.

'_But some of you have already painted your nails, odd.'_ Sakura thought as her emerald eyes looked about the room mentally examining them.

"Okay let's start the introductions, yep!" Deidara said. "Well I'm Deidara."

'_He's the freaky transvestite.' _(Note: whenever the words are in italics it is Sakura's thoughts unless it says otherwise.)

"Sasori."

'_He's the huge scorpion.'_

"Hidan."

'_The freaky masochist.'_

"Kakuzu."

'_Frankenstein!'_

"Kisame."

'_Fishy!'_

"Tobi."

'_Guy with weird mask.'_

"Zetsu."

'_Guy who looks like the product of someone not mowing their lawn.'_

"Itachi."

'_Guy who needs a hair cut and a lot more sleep.'_

"And that guy over there is the Akatsuki Leader no one knows his name." Sasori said.

"Okay then. I'm calling him A.L.! Hey Al! Why won't you join us? We were just about to get to the scary stories!" Sakura shouted at the Akatsuki Leader who was standing in a far away corner obviously in deep thought, until Sakura broke his concentration resulting in him glaring at her.

"Okay, so who are you?" Zetsu asked.

"Hey, it doesn't matter. You were the ones who let me into Akatsuki without asking my name." Sakura said contemplating in her mind whether or not she should tell them her real identity.

**A/N: Whew! I finally updated! Now I need to update all my other stories. Okay, just to let you know I have nothing against any of the Akatsuki members so anything that Sakura says or does is not my real opinion. But there's one Akatsuki member I don't like but I won't say his name because some people might get mad. And to be clear on one thing when Sakura said that Itachi looked like he needed a lot more sleep she meant that the lines on his face were a result of not sleeping, that happens to me when I don't get enough sleep but the lines are smaller and less noticeable.**

**I'm sorry this chapter isn't very good! It may seem a bit rushed at the beginning but usually all my stories seem rushed because I'm not very good at adding details. My one writing weakness :P But the next chapter will be better with lots of AkatsukiXSakura fluff!**

**20 Reviews! My God! That's more than I've ever gotten for any of my stories for the first chapter! **

**THANK YOU SO MUCH MY KIND REVIEWERS! Seeing all the reviews inspires me to write!**

**Please Review! The more reviews I get the longer the next chapter will be!**


	3. Trials and Tribulations of the Akatsuki!

Sakura finally got tired of all the glares from the Akatsuki, except Tobi, Sakura didn't even think that Tobi was even able to glare because of his weird mask. Well whatever, she finally decided to tell them.

She took a deep breath and then her face turned serious. "My name is Sakura Haruno. I am the former apprentice of the Fifth Hokage. I have my reasons for leaving and they aren't any of your business."

All of the Akatsuki were silent.

With another deep breath she turned psychotically happy again. She clapped her hands together and said, "Ok! Now time for scary stories! But what's scary for Akatsuki members… Oh wait! I know! Nursery rhymes!"

Now they wanted to kill her.

Sakura inhaled to begin singing but Deidara quickly clamped a hand over her mouth to stop her. "Why don't we just go to sleep? I think I speak for everyone when I say I don't want to hear nursery rhymes yeah."

Sakura slapped Deidara's hand away and coldly said, "Don't touch me."

So by now it had become a little bit of a tradition for the Akatsuki to stare at Sakura silently whenever she got serious. So it took about a half-second for Sakura to feel awkward, kinda like when a comedian is standing in front of a crowd but can't think of any jokes.

So Sakura let out a yawn so loud and annoying that if it had been a note higher it would have shattered the eardrums of everyone within a mile of it. "Well I am tired! So I'm just going to head off to bed! Goodnight everyone!" She said walking to her room but then looked back at Al in the corner and smiled, deciding to play one more prank before she went to sleep.

She snuck up behind Al too fast for anyone to see or hear her and before he even realized that she was there she kissed him on the cheek and said, "Goodnight Al."

By the time Al registered what had happened Sakura was already standing right outside of her room. She looked up at Al's flustered face and gave him a smirk before disappearing into her room.

"HA HA!! He's blushing!!!" Hidan cackled pointing at Al and for that he got a kunai in the head courtesy of the leader of Akatsuki. Al felt like his pride had been flushed down a toilet, and drowned in sewage water.

----------

(Much Later)

"Ok, we the Akatsuki need to discuss the matter of our newest member." Al said to all the members of Akatsuki as they were having a secret meeting in the dead of night.

"What about her hmm?" Deidara asked.

Al's eyes narrowed. "Everything."

"Well for one thing she's hot." Hidan stated bluntly. Everyone stared at him with a "WTF?" expression except for Al who had a glare on his face that said, "You. Will. Die." Hidan rolled his eyes, "Oh come on like you weren't all thinking that!" No one said anything. Hidan smirked his suspicions proven.

"I do think there's something weird about her though, the way she is so hyper and childish but then if we piss her off she gets serious." Tobi added.

"And why do you think she left her village if she was apprentice to the Hokage?" Kisame asked.

"Maybe she was doing too good at her job of being the village idiot so they kicked her out." Zetsu suggested.

"Oh cone on Zetsu. Just because that happened to you doesn't mean it happened to her." Sasori shot at him. A war of lightning glares were exchanged between the two.

"But what can she do?" Itachi asked. "So far all we know is that she is stealthy, fast, and strong. We don't even know if she has any special abilities, we don't know anything about her."

"True." Al said. "Then in one week we will have another meeting but for now, dismissed; and Zetsu, will you wake Tobi up I think he is beginning to drool on your shirt."

Unbeknownst to the Akatsuki Sakura was on the ceiling, and she heard the whole meeting.

----------

(The Next Day)

Sakura was up bright and early so she decided to be nice and give the Akatsuki the courtesy of waking them up, and by 'being nice' she meant being loud enough for them to have no choice but to give up any hope of sleeping further.

So with her metal pot and spoon in hand (note: these are very dangerous weapons that should never be given to Sakura) She began pounding on the pot like a drum and yelled, "WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The sound waves ricocheted throughout the cave and awoke everyone as if they had had an electric light bulb stuck into their ear.

The Akatsuki emerged from their rooms like cave men taking in their first drink of the new light of the 21st century. They all saw Sakura in her Akatsuki uniform, bright and shining. Oh how they couldn't stand to bask in the light of a morning person. They were hoping that their glares would cause her to spontaneously combust, but no such luck.

"Rise and shine sleeping beauties!" Sakura shouted at them happily.

'_More like sleeping uglies.'_ Sakura thought to herself.

She then noticed their ugly stares and innocently said, "What? I thought you guys wanted to get an early start on the day!"

Al was the first to regain his stature. "Since we are all up, I will announce your assassination missions. I have already given you all the background information on your target, here are your groups: Itachi and Kisame, Zetsu and Tobi, Deidara and Sasori, and last and least Hidan and Kazuzu."

"Ah, fuck you Al!" Hidan shouted at him resenting his comment about being least important. So for challenging Al's authority and using the nickname 'Al' Hidan got another kunai to the head.

Sakura started cooking up fake tears. "Al! You're forgetting me! I feel so unloved! WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She was making Hidan laugh (which was kinda creepy considering the fact that he had a kunai stuck in his forehead and blood was dripping down between his eyebrows) but everyone else especially Al were just getting annoyed.

"Fine! Just stop with the fake crying!" Al screamed.

"Ok!" Sakura said shutting off the tears in a millisecond.

Al sighed. "Sakura you are assigned with Kazuzu and Hidan."

"But Al!" Sakura whined suddenly sad again as she glomped onto him. " I'LL MISS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"LET GO OF ME!!" Al yelled at her trying very hard but failing to rip Sakura off of him.

"Talk about a Kodak moment huh?" Zetsu whispered to Deidara trying to make a joke.

Deidara gave him a disinterest glance, "Zetsu, you're not funny, get over it." He said flatly.

"NOT FUNNY?" Zetsu cried in anger and disbelief. "YOU WOULDN'T KNOW FUNNY IF IT BIT OFF ALL YOUR GIRL HAIR!"

"WHAT WAS THAT YOU OVERGROWN LAWN?!!?!?!" Deidara retorted.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY MR.I-CAN-MAKE-OUT-WITH-MYSELF!"

"EXCUSE ME YOU STUPID GREEN-ASS PANSY!"

"MR.I-CAN'T-DECIDE-MY-OWN-GENDER!"

"MR.I-ATE-TOO-MANY-GRASS-SEEDS!"

"MR.I-CAN'T-LIVE-WITHOUT-MY-EYELINDER-EVEN-THOUGH-I'M-A-GUY!"

"MR.I-PREFER-DEAD-ANIMALS-TO-COOKIES!"

Zetsu stopped right there. "Well it's true. That wasn't a very good insult on your part."

Deidara stopped too and thought it over. "I guess it wasn't." and they nodded their heads in agreement.

"JACKASS PYRO!"

"MR.I-USE-PESTICIDES-TO-GET-MYSELF-HIGH!"

"SISSY!"

"WEED!"

"CLAY-FOR-BRAINS!"

"This is great material Zetsu-sama!" Tobi said writing down all of Zetsu's comebacks. "I'm cheering you on!"

"CRABGRASS!"

"MR.I'M-TOO-BROKE-FOR-A-SEX-CHANGE!"

"POT-HEAD!"

"THREE-MOUTHS!"

(Tobi's thinking) _'Ok, that one wasn't too good Zetsu-sama, must scratch that one out.'_

"MR.I-HAVE-NO-PUPILS!"

"MR.I-HAVE-NO-SKILLS-AS-AN-ARTIST!"

"MR.I-DYE-MY-HAIR-WITH-WHEATGRASS!"

"MR.MANICURE!"

"MR.I'M-SCARED-OF-LAWNMOWERS!"

"MR.ALL-OF-THE-ART-I-MAKE-IS-SO-BAD-SO-I-HAVE-TO-MAKE-IT-EXPLODE-BECAUSE-I-CAN'T-STAND-TO-LOOK-AT-IT!"

Deidara snapped completely and punched Zetsu as hard as he could in his grass face.

"No one insults the art yea!" Deidara's face eerily darkened as he cracked his knuckles, they were in for a big fight.

Until Sakura came over next to them and said, "Word of advice-"

But Zetsu cut her off and said, "Let me guess, you're gonna tell me to run."

Sakura answered, "No! I was going to tell you not to fight until I have time to sell tickets and then we can use the money to buy Deidara a boy haircut!" She finished smiling freakishly happy.

Deidara glared at Zetsu and said, "Or we could buy Zetsu a weed-whacking!" He snarled as he attacked again. But Sakura intervened again to stop the fight.

Kisame asked her, "If you could break up the fight why didn't you do so sooner!?"

Sakura just answered with a sigh while she was blocking both Deidara's and Zetsu's attacks toward each other as if she was about to state the most obvious thing in the world. "Duh! Because me and Hidan just now ran out of popcorn!"

The Akatsuki Leader couldn't take any more stupidity. "ENOUGH!" he bellowed. "You all have your missions! Now go! Enough of this childish fight!"

They all obeyed without a single complaint except for Sakura who shouted, "Don't act all prissy. The only reason you didn't stop the fight sooner was because you were enjoying watching it too!"

Al's eyes narrowed, he couldn't stand that insult to his authority he plunged a knife right at Sakura. And right before the kunai hit, Sakura gave a smile of victory before she disappeared in a puff of smoke due to the kunai impact.

"A shadow clone." Al cursed in a hushed whisper.

"BYE AL!" Sakura shouted far away from the entrance to the Akatsuki cave walking away with Kakuzu and Hidan.

The Akatsuki Leader was burning up with anger! Even the clichéd cartoon smoke was actually steaming out his ears.

----------

Sakura looked at her partners, smiled hugely and said, "Ok, Patchy and S.A.M. lets go accomplish our mission!"

Kakuzu's and Hidan's ears twitched simultaneously.

"Who's Patchy? And who's S.A.M.?" Kakuzu asked, speaking for both himself and Hidan.

The smile stayed glued on Sakura's face. "It's you guys! You are Patchy!" she said pointing to Kakuzu. "Because you remind me of a patchwork doll!"

The words 'Patchwork doll' floated around in Kakuzu's mind stabbing at his self-esteem with each thought. His pride smashed, he became depressed but then, he heard it: a chance to make fun of Hidan!

"And you Hidan are S.A.M.! It's an abbreviation guess what it means! I'll give you a hint: the 'A.' stands for and!" Sakura chimed happily.

For some reason Hidan and Kakuzu actually took Sakura's joking seriously. They were trying to figure out the abbreviation.

"Sardines and Anchovies?" Kakuzu suggested.

"Stupid and Maniac?" Kakuzu tried again.

But Sakura just shook her head while smiling innocently.

Hidan scowled but them he smiled, "Smart and Masterful? Supersmart and Menacing?"

At that suggestion Sakura just shook her head with a look that said "are-you-crazy?"

"Squeaky and Monkey?" Kakuzu smirked.

Hidan glared at him and said, "Dude I will so fucking kill you!"

Sakura giggled and said, "No! Its Sadist and Masochist because Hidan is a total freak that loves pain, hurting himself and other people, it's like an obsession to him!" Then she noticed Hidan glaring at her. "I meant that in a good way." Sakura said smiling innocently. "I think it fits him!" She said before looking back at Hidan and saying, "Right S.A.M.-chan?"

Kakuzu, who started chuckling, was unsuccessfully hiding his laughter behind his hand.

Hidan glared at her and said, "Remove the 'chan' now."

Sakura's face broke out into a pout. "But where's the fun in that?" She whined.

"Yea, S.A.M.-chan." Kakuzu added to twist the knife in.

"Yea sure, Patchy!" Hidan snapped back at him.

"Touché." Kakuzu answered with narrowed eyes.

"Ok you guys new subject." Sakura said redirecting their anger. "If we're supposed to be on an undercover assassination mission then why are we wearing these conspicuous cloaks and hats?" she said while tugging at the uniform she had been assigned.

They hadn't said anything yet so she kept pressing the subject. "I mean seriously, wearing these things is like screaming 'HEY LOOK AT US WE'RE EVIL VILLIANS HERE TO KILL YOU!"

Hidan and Kakuzu took a moment to think before answering because they realized that she had a point.

"Well, we're Akatsuki and we want people to know that, because there's no one who can beat us. Besides our hideout is completely secret no one will ever be able to compromise our location, if anyone was challenging us by trying to follow us we'd kill them." Hidan said proudly.

Sakura rolled her eyes in her head. _'Yeah right.' _She thought to herself. _'If that was true then why was it so easy to put a tracer on you and follow you all the way to the 'secret' hideout?'_

"Hmm…" Sakura said, still unconvinced "So you are so confident that you can afford to display your weaknesses?"

Hidan shrugged and said, "I guess."

"Hey this is our guy, duck down into the bushes." Kakuzu ordered.

"Hey we were actually headed somewhere? I thought we were just walking around in circles." Sakura said.

"Just duck." Kakuzu said again rolling his eyes.

And so Hidan and Sakura hid in the bushes with Kakuzu. Their target looked completely unsuspecting, perfect for a sneak attack.

"Ok!" Sakura whispered. "So on there! 1…2…3!"

They all jumped out of the bushes simultaneously and Sakura shouted, "Happy Birthday!"

Kakuzu and Hidan looked like her as if she had left all of her brain cells behind in the bush.

"What?" She asked innocently. "I thought that Akatsuki could afford to be over confident."

They just rolled their eyes and before the target had the shock wear off Hidan threw his huge three-pronged spear at him. The target tried to dodge it but Hidan managed to draw a few drops of blood from his face.

Hidan licked up the blood greedily as he drew a ceremonial looking circle in the ground with his feet.

Then Hidan's skin transformed, it looked as if he had gone through one too many x-rays and now you could permanently see his skeleton.

Sakura was shocked she had never seen Hidan's attack before.

"Oh right," Kakuzu said. "You've never seen Hidan's attack. Pay attention and you'll see just how appropriate the name S.A.M.-chan is."

"Hey! I heard that Patchy! Fuck you!" Hidan yelled at him.

Then Hidan turned his attention back to the target and stabbed himself and the man he was attacking began to bleed in the exact same place that Hidan stabbed himself.

Sakura was surprised at first but it didn't take long for her to figure out his whole attack.

'_He uses that spear not to cause a big injury but just to draw blood, then he drinks the blood to create a connection between him and the target. Then he gets inside that circle so that whatever injuries he causes to himself happens to the victim. But what about the killing blow?'_

"Patchy." Sakura said to get his attention. "Sam-chan is immortal isn't he?"

Kakuzu smirked obviously this girl was very smart. "Yes." He said. "We have that in common."

Sakura wondered what he meant by that and was about to question him when, Hidan who was about to deliver the killing blow to his victim was unexpectingly attacked from behind and had his head cut off.

Kakuzu came to his aid, his hands and wrists came off from his body attached by leather straps, and grabbed both the target and his partner by the neck.

"Wow, you really are a patchwork doll!" Sakura shouted happily with a smile on her face.

"I resent that." Kakuzu said still glaring at her.

'_Why do you think I nicknamed you?'_ Sakura thought in her head.

Sakura walked over to the disembodied head of Hidan which was cussing up a storm. She grabbed the head and brought him up to eye level.

"Sheez, for a disembodied head you really have a dirty mouth!" Sakura said smiling.

Hidan's eyes narrowed, "What? Is a disembodied head supposed to have a pure not-cussing mouth? Well fuck that!" Hidan shouted literally right in her face.

Sakura just rolled her eyes but then she smiled, "You know Hidan I like you better this way! It's so much more convenient to carry you like this!"

Hidan growled, "Well fuck you! I want my body back! Put me back on my body or I will annoy you to death!"

Sakura let the smile remain on her face. "Actually I find you much less annoying this way."

Hidan smirked an evil thought entered his disembodied head. "You want me to prove how annoying I can be?"

Sakura said, "Sure prove it."

And so he did, but not the way Sakura expected him to. Hidan kissed Sakura right on the lips before she had even realized it.

Hidan withdrew from the kiss and said, "That proof enough for you? Now put me back on my body!"

Sakura's veins were popping and she snapped. When she looked back up at Hidan she had eyes like a demon.

So basically she was pissed off.

She tightened her grip on his hair, and threw him as hard as she could. Sakura and Kakuzu watched as Hidan's head flew miles and miles away screaming, "FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sakura took in deep breaths to try to calm herself but she still had a demon's aura.

"Patchy." Sakura said. "You finish up here I'm going to head back."

"Uh sure." Kakuzu answered dumbfounded. He was scared of her but he wouldn't admit it.

Sakura stormed off lost in her own thoughts.

**A/N: So I finally got the inspiration and ideas to write this chapter! Actually I was writing it in my social studies class when I was supposed to be watching a video but I wasn't caught which was a good thing considering some of the words I used. I don't know if this chapter is exactly a good chapter some parts bug me, but overall its okay. Hey, the people I showed it to laughed (especially at 'MR.I'M-TOO-BROKE-FOR-A-SEX-CHANGE!') so I hope you guys like it -**

**Sorry I haven't updated in forever but summer is coming soon so I will be updating my stories more!**

**THANK YOU TO ALL MY REVIEWERS YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!**

**Please Review!**


	4. Counterattack of the Akatsuki!

Sakura returned to the hideout in a fiery rage, anger was boiling inside of her due to the kiss with the severed head. Just the thought alone made her want to puke! She opened the door with a loud bang and a pair of evil eyes.

The rest of the Akatsuki looked at her in confusion as she glared. She stormed off to her room in a huff.

The next day Hidan who had regained her body and Kakuzu returned from the mission.

"So what happened?" Deidara asked.

"I kissed her." Hidan stated bluntly.

Shivers ran down all the spines of the Akatsuki members because the thought of kissing the pink haired hyperactive freak was just…..

"She hasn't come out of her room in a day." AL said.

"She's completely avoiding you." Zetsu said.

"Because you kissed her." Itachi chimed in.

"So she doesn't want to be around you." AL smirked.

They began passing around the evil grins like candy at a birthday party except Tobi, he had already fallen asleep.

That night Sakura heard a knock at her door.

"If you're S.A.M.-chan…" Sakura's voice growled through the door. "Feed your empty head to rabbit babies! If someone else hi."

"Hi." said Sasori opening the door with a charming smirk. "It's a nice night isn't it?"

Initially his appearance shocked her as he wasn't wearing his scorpion outfit and Sakura was surprised to he had a doll like face but she still stared at him like a bitter old granny. "How would I know? I've been inside the cave! Are the rocks particularily lovely tonight? Aren't the stalactites just beaming with the beauty of the stars thanks to all the falling bugs?"

"Haha." Sasori forced himself to laugh as he covered up the anger mark on his cheek with his hand. "You have just the….best sense of humor."

Sakura smiled. "And you're just creepy aren't you?" She stared at him like a demented chibi.

Sasori appeared in an instant only an inch from her face, his hand behind her neck. "I'll make it simple." He said, "You would make a beautiful puppet." He stroked her face. "Your beauty would be immortalized with me forever."

At that moment Sakura sneezed right on his face. "Oh I'm soooo sorry." She said flatly.

Sasori was angry and completely unattracted to her but he still forced her lips on his anyway. In his anger he held her there for a full minute to cut off her breath and leave her gasping for air as punishment for the sneeze.

Sasori released her and started to walk away.

"Hey…" Sakura called to him sweetly, "Come back here." She walked towards him and put his face in her hands as she lent in towards him….

As she gave him what she believed to be….

The most beautiful…..

And most glorious….

KICK IN THE CROTCH!

"You broke my crotch!" he screamed at her.

"What?" She asked confused.

"I have the body of a puppet and you completely destroyed my crotch! Now I have to rebuild it. Grumble grumble." He stormed off.

A little while later….

"So where is Sasori?" Al asked.

"Rebuilding his crotch." Hidan answered bluntly.

They all got silent.

"So anyways," Al broke the silence, "Who's next?"

"Me."

Sakura heard another knock on the door. "If you're S.A.M.-chan or Pinocchio go eat a hive of bees! If anyone else hi."

"Open the door please."

"Oh hi Zetsu!" Sakura chirped up opening the door only to be immediately engulfed in his overgrown lawn exterior. Once trapped in the darkness, he kissed her.

When she was released she stood dazed and stunned.

Then she said, "Wait here."

When she returned she had something behind her back and a sweet smile on her face.

"So wheres Zetsu?"

"Trying to wash off the weed killer before it burns him to death."

"Why are we doing this again?"

"Sacrifices must be made to get her to leave us alone!"

"Itachi use your mangekyo on her."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I would have to kiss her….over and over and over and over…." Soon his face turned green.

Yet another knock on Sakura's door.

"Ugh! I don't care who you are I hope that birds eat your eyes out!" She called out.

"I don't mean harm come out please." Kakuzu said.

She groaned. "Fine!" she opened the door. "What do you want Patchy?"

"Are you curious as to what is under my mask?" he asked.

"Yes." She said.

"Then come closer." He said as he began to lower the veil. As she walked towards him he lent his face towards her.

"AWKWARD STARFISH!" she shouted as she planted her hand on his lips. "How stupid do you people think I am?" she asked.

At that moment Kisame swiftly turned her around and planted his lips on hers. "Pretty stupid." He said as he let Kakuzu squash his lips up against hers.

She then broke away and stepped back with the anger coming over her in a demonic aura.

"She tied them together using their limbs? And dear god Kakuzu's can stretch! What have we come to?" Al sighed.

"I'll go give it a shot."

Another fricking knock on the door dear god. "GO THE FUCK AWAY!" Sakura screamed, but he opened the door and closed it behind him anyways.

"Go aw-" She tried to say but Deidara cut her off by putting his hand over her mouth.

"Quiet." He said. "Itachi wanted to come back here I was just trying to help you out." As Deidara spoke the tongue on Deidara's hand was already inserting itself in Sakura's mouth.

"My hands are broken!" Deidara cried. "How will I make my beautiful art now?"

"When did you ever make beautiful art?" Hidan asked.

"Hey you literally lost your head so you can SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

And OH MY FRICKING GOD ANOTHER KNOCK ON THE DOOR!

"Sakura…." A voice whined, "Can you do my hair?"

"Sure!" Sakura perked up and opened the door for Itachi.

As she was brushing his hair she conversed with him about how silky he kept his hair but he asserted it was completely natural.

"Sakura…." His voice whined as he turned around to face her. "Do you think I'm pretty?"

The phrase caught her so off guard he kissed her before she finished laughing. Then a wad of hair was pulled from his head.

"So what was Itachi's strategy?" Al asked.

"To act like a girl." Hidan answered.

"Ha ha no really."

"Actually he's pretty good at it."

*Al retreated into his emo corner of embarrassment*

"Sakura please open the door I would like to formally apologize for the behavior of my organization."

Sakura opened the door with a sigh. "It doesn't matter Al. They will suffer…." But then her words faded off as she stared into his eyes. She let out a nervous laugh. "Al I think this is the first time I've actually seen your face outside of the darkness."

"Does it surprise you?" He asked.

"Not really." She said as she reached up to touch his face without realizing what she was doing getting lost in his piercing gaze. "Whats your real name?"

"Pain." He said.

She chuckled. "What a funny name."

He had not heard her as he had already starting leaning down to reach her lips. He kissed her passionately and wrapped his arms around her in an unconscious gesture. Sakura had had time to evade it but for some reason…she didn't.

When he released her from his grasp she disappeared with the slam of a door in an instant. Leaving Al incredibly angry and cursing her through the door.

Later, Tobi entered Sakura's room and found her with her head buried in her pillow grumbling almost inaudibly curse words.

"Sakura..?" He called her name timidly.

"What?" she snapped as she raised her head. "Come here to kiss me too? I mean what the fuck am I a walking harem to you idiots?"

"Um nooo…" He said backing away.

That's when she saw the small cake in his hands.

"Aw Tobi did you bring me a gift?" She asked as all the anger disappeared from her.

"Yes…I did…I felt bad about how everyone else was acting so I brought a cake." He said dropping the cake off at her nightstand as he fidgeted nervously.

Just then all of the other Akatsuki members entered in a fury and pulled him off shouting insults such as "Kiss-ass!" and "Baby!" and "Spiral Face!" as they took him to the meeting room.

Sakura just groaned and went to sleep.

The next day the Akatsuki members woke up to find a sign on Sakura's door reading, "Those without brains are not permitted to enter, that means you EVERYONE"

"But but I was nice." Tobi frowned as the others death glared him.

So they did what they felt they had to.

They threw a victory party. They found a huge cake and wine to toast to their victory. "Ding dong the pink haired witch is gone! The pink haired witch is gone!"

They celebrated happily as they ate without reservation.

"This cake is great!" Hidan said. "Who made this?"

No one answered.

"We just found it." Zetsu said.

….

Al went over and flipped over the empty cake pan.

It read:

"reLAX guys!"

All the guys looked at each other and then at the only bathroom in the hideout in complete horror.

**A/N: Lol omg I'm back! Yep, three years but hey I'm not dead just very busy but I recently found a reason to continue my stories because one fan went out of their way to find me on youtube and asked me to continue on of my other stories so I figured that if people actually cared that much about reading my stories I should feel complimented and oblige them.**

**Well I hope you guys liked this and please give me feedback.**

**By the way I make no promises on updates, if this gets really popular again I won't be able to not update it you know? But right now I want to focus on my personal favorite stories: A troublesome trade, Fugutaiten and The Real Genius. But I already have the next chapter planned out so I'll update but in a few weeks when summer comes. **

**Well anyways**

**Till…Inspiration.**


End file.
